All She Ever Wanted



Charmine Swiftlazer


I met her sitting outside the ward
Cuffs in hands…Two cops seated by her side with guns
Her countenance got me reading that I’m involved
I could tell she’d soon be bleeding outside in words
What’s piercing and tearing the feeling that can’t be got.

We did what telepathy prompted
It happened a million faster than slow
She told me she thought all she ever wanted
Was a guy who’s love for her would grow
And never have her heart stunted
She wished it was something everyone would know
But it was the same evil that got her haunted
She started while our eyes tallied

“How could we have ever gotten married?
I never loved him.
I thought it was something my heart would carry
My parents told me I’d learn to love him.
I was only 21 then…my mates were settling down
I’d see each one every weekend in a wedding gown
It’s something my mind wanted not knowing I was heading down

So when he came proposing, my head got swelling round
I should have thought about it-what I was getting into
If I was walking through a maze or solving a deadly riddle
I was beginning my 20’s, he was in 30’s middle
“When the Time is right” didn’t matter cos I was hearing people.

He kissed me, treated me like a queen
I never envisaged his evil, he looked nothing like mean
He made me see love like a dove, so innocent and free
Till we got married to each other then he began to bruise my knees
Yes he was good looking and rich…yea talk of the devil
But he’s the same beast I always thought was brought up in heaven
I’m always with my pack of valium to knock off the rebel
In me…cos I know he’ll be home to beat me on the dot of eleven
He trained every day, I became his punching bag,
but like a captured soldier I had no arms to think of punching back
Each time I asked him why he turned this bad, he’ll reply “I’m tired of
u ugly hag”
“But u used to say I was beautiful… you called me your lovely heart”
Next thing I get is “you’re a sorry nag”
Then a punch to my incisors..”That’s for talking back”

This had been a 3 year torture, Last night I no longer couldn’t bear it
My heart had gotten stoned, not a knife edge of pity could tear it
Since this pain I feel inside, not anyone could share it
Everything I’ve had with this man, I was gonna place on OLX and sell it!
My mind was made up!

So I watched him beat me that night…that was the last time I’d weep
I told me…I was gonna watch him in his sleep
I brought the knife searched for his neck vein like I was gonna insert a drip
Of course he was sleeping deep so he wasn’t feeling it
Immediately the knife found it, I had it drilling in
I know he’s probably dead now, I pray he rests in peace
While he departs from me, so I can stay on earth in peace

This is what greed did to me, I should have waited for my time
Been patient for my shine,
and not envied others whose stories may later be painted worse than mine
Here’s the consequence for all I craved…I was fated for my crime
Now All my feathers fluff dead, All my clever thoughts dead,
All my strength have gone yet
I’m shameless..I wish…I won’t have gotten me into this if
…before I met Him….I knew All I Ever Wanted”
“Hey! What you looking at?” was the cops then I stared at their guns again,
then shook my head in pity, placed my face in palms and walked away.



2 thoughts on “All She Ever Wanted

  1. This thing still surprises me @ times, how someone who was once dear to you, mean the whole world to you could suddenly turn out to be nobody.

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