Societal pressures…..

Before I start writing on the topic above, I think I owe you guys an apology for not posting anything for a while now largely due to the fact that I was in a network-arid region, but now that I’m back expect more frequent posts. With that being said, now to societal pressures…

Atoke, was enjoying the company of her cousins Chioma and Cindy as they sat in their grandfather’s compound listening to the chirping of the crickets, the whistling of the birds and the rustling of the leaves in the wind. This ambiance provided Atoke the perfect opportunity to reminisce about the really good things in her life. At 30, she was the youngest advert executive in a fortune 500 company, had a good house and a to-die-for car. As she idly thought about this she was jerked out of her reverie by the urgency in her cousins’ voices as they alerted her to the presence of their aunty, Bimbo. On opening her eyes, Atoke saw the determination on her aunty’s face matched equally by her strides towards them as if she was an important part of the vanguard fighting in the battles of saratoga; “not again!” muttered Atoke.

For years now aunty Bimbo and other members of Atoke’s family have been hounding her about finding the proverbial “Mr Right”. Atoke is not alone in this plight. A lot of young ladies in our society are being pressured into settling down, most times with someone with less than ideal attributes just because it is perceived that they have passed their prime, once they reach the age of 23 or thereabout.

I like to ask; Is there anything wrong with wanting to have a little ambition, with having a good life and enjoying it, with not wanting to settle when everyone is in a rush to, with not wanting to be involved in conversations where every word starts and ends with I must marry before this year runs out?

As a young adult, I have come across a lot of ladies who rushed into marriage only to express regrets later. For instance, Mary’s husband is physically abusive towards her, Amaka’s chases anything in skirts, Lovina’s is so insecure that she has to make herself smaller so that he can shine. I have so much more examples, that is not to say there are no good men out there or there are no good marriages.  Way I see it, the rate of divorce is on the increase because a lot of people are getting married for the wrong reasons and those reasons abound, ranging from its time so make i just manage am, he has money so he can take care of me, he schooled abroad so he would have foreign connections to his uncle’s sister’s husband in-law is a politician so the National cake fit reach me.

I wish a lot of our young ladies would be strong enough not to succumb to these types of pressure, live life simply without the ill-formed opinions of others, allow the will of the Lord to be done in their lives without trying to subject their will to His because when its for you, it just flows naturally, no undue struggles needed. Live your life to the fullest, dance some more, laugh a lot, have fun, work hard, ennoble your environment to the best of your ability and when a husband comes, he’ll be the icing on your cake!

I like to think that I’m lucky to have come from a family where we were taught that marriage is not the ultimate goal of a woman rather she should work hard at standing at her duty post, add beauty to her environment, leave things better than she met them, add values to the lives of the people around her either as a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister or even a stranger and when the time is right, the perfect gentleman would be there. Someone who would make one realize the true essence of the institution called marriage.

17 thoughts on “Societal pressures…..

  1. Well said….only wish ladies were reborn to this scope of “personal achievement before societal WHAT-WILL-THEY-SAY” cliches. Nice write-up.

  2. For me 23yrs!! is just too early for marriage, one has not discovered oneself…….

    Marriage is a beautiful union if rightly done for d right reasons- LOVE n COMPANIONSHIP. Marry ur friend…..

    ‘No matter how long it takes..is best to get it RIGHT’…Eva.

  3. Very nice piece and I sincerely hope a lot of young single women like me will take this piece seriously, it will go a long way to prevent marital issues.
    Nice work Zuch

  4. Nice write up Zuchie. I have always shared the same sentiment. The way the average African society pushes her daughter into marriage, if she pushes her same way into career path, we would have a better society. Such pressure thoughtfully weakens the average African lady and makes the feeble minded ones insecure. I have always said to myself that I won’t marry someone who is less than 24 for reasons best known to me and surely I would be quite reluctant in giving my daughter out for marriage when she is less than 24. There is so much more to live for than just marriage.

  5. Another interesting article…The last paragraph sums up what most women should know about their task in life. Our society needs to be educated on this issue so as to reduce a lot of pressure on women.I would like to add that women should look out for a man that complements them(considering their strengths n weaknesses),also that spiritual harmony which would bring bliss to their union.Thanks for sharing…

  6. nice one zuch! I recall we had a convo about dis sometime back in school. its the mindset of the average girl out dere. And even if you don’t have such, ur mum or aunties or sisters in laws probably will. my sister in law’s new year prayer for me was to get married dis year! dats how bad it is. Change is what we need but I have to be realistic, its gonna be really hard to come by.

    1. Yeah Zee, I remember. I understand it would be difficult to bring a different idealogy to the consciousness of people in a society where certain things have been the norm for a long time, but what we can do is to start talking about these things and hope that the people close to us starts paying attention and hopefully start talking to others about it.

  7. Beautiful piece Zu, you’ve said it all but i would like to say that we ladies shouldn’t get to the point where we become too ambitious and end up living for ourselves alone.*thumbs up*

  8. Zuch!I must say u doin smtn extraordinaire!may God enlarge ur coast cos I tink more pipo need to hear dis.u jus spoke my mind.marraige s nt smtin u rush in2 neither a game.instead of parents tchn thr dotas dey strt pushn nd x-rayn d guys u hang around wf even telln u to ur face dt dey want a rich guy nt caring bout ur hapiness.I mean its appalling.I stil stand dt ladies shudnt b caried away by wat dey c neither rushed in2 somtin dey wil regret 4 d rest of thr life.kudos to zuch!

  9. Zuch!I must say u doin smtn extraordinaire!may God enlarge ur coast cos I tink more pipo need to hear dis.u jus spoke my mind.marraige s nt smtin u rush in2 neither a game.instead of parents tchn thr dotas dey strt pushn nd x-rayn d guys u hang around wf even telln u to ur face dt dey want a rich guy nt caring bout ur hapiness.I mean its appalling.

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